Is Hapiness Possible?

There's a few things about life that I would like to point out...

- Life may be good to you at times, but there are those times karma seems to bite like a bitch... Sleeping around, hurting people, only results in the same thing happening to you..

March 2010 I fell in love... Some may say that it isn't possible at my age not knowing what you want and what not.. But I know what I feel and what I feel is real.. Yet, there is always an ice breaker. The guy I love doesn't feel the same way.. As of a few weeks ago.. Been a while since we talked about it..

It all started when my best friend was telling me about this gorgeous boy she had met in art... He wouldn't say anything about being gay other than that he would admit to "having a little sugar in him." I have seen him through the halls before, and thought he was like.. Perfect!

After seeing him, saying hi, and adding him on Facebook saying I was Tya's friend it turns out.. Tya invited him to my house for a party I was having.. At a party I had back in march.. I was extremely drunk and stoned by the time he got there: him - sober and Mormon... We talked and Tya was trying to get us to talk. I was shy and nervous of course, so she sends us out to make a bond fire in the back.. My drunk ass is having issues lighting a fire, so he decides to shove me back into the chair and he began to kiss me.. It started as just a kiss then lead into his gum was in my mouth... We ran up to my room, and did our thing....... Came down, to me puking and making a complete fool of myself..

Two weeks went by of him constantly telling my best friend how he couldn't wait to see me, and us hanging out quite often.. Suddenly things stop, he stops talking to me and it's like I was nothing..

Months went on and on of him stealing my guys, me trying to steal his to get back.. But nothing..

Fighting occurred, and other drama...

The past month or 2 he has become my best friend.. Talked about it once since... But only because of another situation... He said he loves me as a best friend, but we will just have to see where it goes if that's at all possible...

Now I am living my life, in love with a wall basically.. Hopefully things work out for the best... At least that's what I am praying for..

The Old & The New

It's been a while since I posted anything.. To sum things up.. I was dumped the day before my Birthday over a text.. But now that I look back nothing matters about that relationship, and apparently feelings were never really there... But NOW I look at it and I have an AMAZING GUY!!! In the end things always work out :)

My New Beginning :)

Today is my last day of smoking.. I don't plan on having another cigarette after the 5 I have left are gone tonight.. I am quitting for a few reasons.. My health, money, my boyfriend, tatiana, and my parents.. None of them need to worry about it anymore, because I am done with it.. Today was hard for me.. I'm in a depressed mood due to my parents & my actions.. I have been caught up in too much shit to handle.. Some things that I really wish I had are now not a possibility for a while, and I have officially fucked my life up for summer.. I now have a creepy ex, and a current boyfriend I reallly like, and hope things go far with him.. This weekend was great, we spent a lot of time together cuddling and it was amazing :) It's now time to turn my life around without cigarettes or drugs.. I'm done with them all and don't plan on getting back into that life.. It's my new beginning :)

Life as we know it..

Life is what you make it.. Best to try new things, explore, and make it worth it! I love Miss Cupcake!!

There is always the good & the bad..

Today I have realized that there is both a good and bad to everything in life and out of it.. I believe that every day has it's ups and downs, people they both love and hate, and just the different variety. Today I have seen that there are people who are better people than they say they are... And there are those who arn't as good as they think they are.. There are people who love you, people who piss the fucking shit out of you, and people who are just seen as neutral.

Although it may seem impossible to escape from this area in everyone's life, it is possible.. I have my best friends, I have my enemies, My future boyfriends, & my feature me.. They are all something to look forward to and I can honestly say I do :)

Today's a new day.. & Tomorrow's another.. They will get better!

Today was a new day for me. I have recently been talking to a friend of mine and found out he is gay about a week ago. I had a boyfriend at the time and just looked at him as a friend.. but i have come to the conclusion that he could possibly be more then a friend :) tomorrow he is coming over to tan with me and a few of my besties! AND.. He is bringing his spedo ;)... Talking to him has really helped me figure things out with my ex Ian & I.. I now realize that meeting guys off myspace is not the way to go unless we really get to know each other personally and hang out often and become friends.. I always say I think he could be the one for me for a while that will make me happy but they always end up falling through.. So with this one I am not going to say/think that I'm just going to be myself and we can be friends..

A few other things were brought to my attention today as well as over the past few days.. Life is a man vs man world and it truly is every man for them self. People you thought were friends will continue to talk shit, people you know are your true friends and will always be there for you will always have their secretes. At any given time any one of them can snap and a whole flame could be lit. Just be yourself, don't give a fuck what others think, but when your friends are hurt just be there for them.. Don't leave them hanging.. It's the worst thing you could do..

Photo Shoot: 5/16/2010